Ministry isn’t anything like I envisioned.
I’ll admit, I have had moments of deep disillusionment with my life as a missionary. I had a clear vision for what I wanted to do and nothing went according to plan.
Nothing at all.
And now here I was with a 1-year old on my hip and a baby on the way.
I was no longer free to dedicate large portions of time in assisting the church, evangelizing, and all of the activities our church offered. I had a family.
At first it didn’t bother me so much but as the months rolled by, the sense that I was somehow failing at ministry grew.
It’s funny – this thing called ministry. We have attached a meaning to that word that is so narrow, it is as if our ministry is only viable if we are reaching out to those not related to us.
Ministry to family somehow is only extra-curricular. It’s not counted in the grade we somehow imagine that we will receive on Judgment Day. And the perfectionist in me did not want to “settle” for a C-average. So what’s a missionary mom to do?
One part of me couldn’t not justify arranging childcare so I could “minister”, and yet the other part of me struggled with the sense that I wasn’t “earning” the support I received from the organization that sent me.
And it was in one of these moments of struggle that I paced my living room asking God: “What am I even doing here? What do you have for me and how on earth will I even be able to do it?”
The previous year I had stumbled across Women Living Well and Courtney was sharing about a new online Bible study she was helping to lead.
I had tried a few online studies before but they just hadn’t really hit the spot. But I was willing to give Good Morning Girls a try.
I find divine moments like this so interesting because one is rarely ever aware they are in a divine moment when it occurs. I certainly had no idea this was a divine moment – and that the decision to sign up Good Morning Girls that day would literally change the course of my ministry.
I joined up with a dear sister in California for the first session. I found the short daily passages so helpful, since being a mom of a small infant made every day more unpredictable than the day before. And each session I was more and more encouraged by the dialogue and the fresh perspectives offered by those I studied with. And then came the Spanish and German translations of the Good Morning Girls studies.
So the thought came to me: Why not translate them into Croatian?
The “feeler” I put out there produced no interest, so I decided that the timing must not be right and I went on to lead my own online group. Yet deep inside the sense that Croatia could really benefit from a study like this continued to grow.
After all, I’m sure that most moms are like me: Struggling to find adequate time with the Lord. Even when we intentionally make time, it tends to get interrupted by our precious little ones who suddenly decide their new morning routine should begin an hour earlier, or their nap time should be cut short (or worse – not happen at all!).
And then there it was!
Right on Courtney’s blog.
The study I knew the ladies in my church would love!
I mean, what woman doesn’t secretly wish she could live up that persona. Right?
So, I called up my best friend (who happened to also be my neighbor – okay, we were practically roommates…) to see what she thought. She was ecstatic! Soon, we had gathered a small group of a dozen women and began to translated Courtney’s eBook.
To be honest, when we decided to do this study, I had no idea it would be an actual book. Sometimes God chooses to reveal the facts a little at a time because the whole truth would probably scare you to death!
And, yes, translating a 40-some-odd page book from English into Croatian would have scared me to death….a few times over!
The first session was so amazing! So we regrouped for a second and then third session…. And with each session a longing to see women from other congregations join in grew in intensity.